Any replies??

Knock..Knock...is somebody there??

sure, I am here, what do you want to know?

Please give me some suggestions/ideas to proceed.

I stand at a point in life where i have decided that a person is Mr.Right for me given all the cases, conditions and the facts. From my side i express due concern and care towards the other person but from his side it is like if i contact and talk then only he will talk, if i strike a discussion then only he will proceed, of course i know the work he has been assigned at work place makes him very very busy..i do agree with it and have an understanding, but if i boy is not proceeding further then how long i can keep taking initiatives; it would be like i keep disturbing him...also at the end it would sound as though i was behind him, though the good feelings raised in me because i liked him and i found some inclination from that side towards me. Please let me know what to do now.Shall i wait and watch ??

If i keep contacting him then it should not happen tomorrow that he starts avoiding me and say that "she has just sat on my head" and "is chasing me"," i was just being friends with her" and "she is taking otherwise". Because if it is just me who keeps taking initiatives and contacting him then it would look very odd, never in my life i have done so.

Female ... do what you want ... why dont you ask him if he interested..... how can you assume just coz some guy is friendly happens to be a brahmin and a bachelor that he is interested in marrying you ?

I am not assuming....these are my observations........i am yet not clear from other end....if i had been clear from other end then why i would have posted so many things here...and i do understand that everyone has some limitations...may be he too has...anyways it's not easy to ask someone about their intertest in such matters. I leave everything to God.

If u have something to say then u can pls reply me.

Pls tell me if i have to ask then how should i ask...where and how...?

I do agree with u Busy Bee...that i shouldn't assume given the points u have mentioned above; then what it is from his side.?? yes, he is friendly when approached, and rest all the things what i have been observing in him would be just like any or some bachelors do...when i am very busy with my work and don't talk to him nor look at him....he comes and goes around my desk often and also starts moving around me wherever i go....stops by the place where i am and starts staring me and talking to people on the phone and around him in the same way...the same etiquetes that i show...otherwise i know the way he talks ...it is different from the way i have...i am very cordial and courteous and he is different.Looks like he wants to get my attention and just wants to distract me...when i don't talk to him for weeks and one fine day i say something to him...he blushes with eyes full of water. When i am dressed well and look good he just moves around me...tries to talk to me...likes to sit next to me during our lunch, tea time and sits by my side.....i think it is physical attraction from his side as many men do have.When some inputs are required for work,and if i don't ask him and ask other person he feels bad...he tries to voluntarily and sometimes forcibly enters into discussions though he is not being asked anything. He tries to carefully listen what i am talking to others be it on phone with a friend or someone else...be it my family member or someone in the office. when i look more good and in more good attrire and if we cross by each other then before the juniors he starts talking to them as though he is the director of the organization...he sometimes poses a lot...he quickly changes the normal way he talks once he looks me around...but one thing i like in him is that he is bit kind.I guess he is a silent flirt as many men are...God knows what is happening with me...don't know if the gap in my life is forcibly making me think of him ..........or what.........or the lost hope from all around is making me do this...Please advise!!

i dont know what you want an advise on ..if you are interested why dont you tell him so ?

BB, I think she just needs some moral support and a little nudge and a push

Shivangi, go ahead and have a talk with him. Just express your interest
and let's see what happens, He may say yes and things will be fine.
What's the worst thing that can happen? He might say he is
happily married, he is not interested or he is gay. Then you can move on.

But if he is single, straight and attracted to you then things can proceed.

Good luck and hope things work out for you. Keep us posted.

-F

Thanks to both of you, i would keep u posted on the happenings.

Do ...................

Any updates Shivangi, did you talk to that guy yet?

-F

Shivangi

I strongly feel you need to marry him. I say this for couple of reasons.

1 If you both are in real love then suerly this difference of age is not a matter.

Next, i have seen my friend who is the age of 26 married a girl just like you at the age of 37. The guy is not from her cast and also they were from different regional base. They both had a love failure in their life and they met at that point. More over the girl met a guy who was just like my friend but with an exception that where the age difference is 6 she had same confusions but that guy was a flirt and he left her. Finally my friend entrerd into her life just the same way as the other guy did. Even they thought that they had physical attaraction and that was driving them. But finally one day my friend proposed her and she after a hell lot of arguments and confusions finally agreed to marry him. Ever since then they both live a happy life. ts the love that drive them to current situation. My friend was very true in his love..

Now i see your case same as them... please go ahead and marry him if you both are strong in your love. I guess in every love there is an amount of physical attarction. So live your life for some one who loves you and not by the customs that the society taught you.

I always feel that its better to live with some one who cares you rather than getting into a relation with the hope that it goes fine.

I strongly feel you should not miss that guy if you both love each other...

All the best..

charlie, are you by any chance the guy Shivangi it tallking about here?

good advise Charlie ... if only you could meet the guy and egg him on

Farce,

No i couldn't talk to the guy.

I feel that it is just physical attraction from his side towards me and his basic nature is being friendly and he is kind, and that is what he is and he might be with all.What i feel is he has a bit flirteous nature and as already mentioned he is a silent flirt, not all come to know the fact about him until they come close or have been knowing each other since long time in profession and personal life.

I feel he feels happy if girls move around him.
He will never take a decision and would go with his parent's choice or some younger girl from his community.

I also feel that if he doesn't like me then why should i push my interest towards him; i do like him for certain things and if today i am not getting any proper alliance then it doesn't mean that i try to put pressure on someone. Interest and love can't be created. Till now i have maintained very good relation with him in professional matters and i am friendly to him in general discussions and matters, it's always me who strikes a discussion and hardly he initiates any topic; now it is his choice, if he likes and wants something then he should come forward and show interest.

I am again confused, if by any chance we get married and as he is younger to me and as i am elder to him and if the relations with each other don't work properly then again it's a problem.

I have seen N number of situations, i don't think he is determined towards me, it's just physical attraction and his friendly nature.

I don't want to disturb someone if the person doesn't have self interest.

I leave things up to God .

hey you said its not love from his side and he happens to be flirtacious..so give up on that..
i think you should wait for the right person... lets hope and pray that you find someone soon...
and i think there is no room for confusion now...you think if you get marrird with him by chance still it can create problems..so dont go for such a relation.. thats what i feel..
good luck...

Shivangi, I think you are overanalyzing the situation and assuming a lot of things. Have a talk with him. Tell him you are interested in him and ask him how he feels about you. Then go on from there. A lot of relationships don't take off the ground because of assumptions people make like you do here. So ask him out for coffee one day and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels.

You have nothing to lose, if he says no you are sure now, if he says yes then it is fine.

go on girl, talk to him

best wishes.

I agree with Farce ... ask him out for a coffee .... hmm.... i dont know if you can outright ask him "are you interested in marrying me "

Shivangni,

Reveal your self....

First of all i am very uncomfortable in approaching a man in such matters. Some how i feel a man should take a lead in such matters, rest all follows from either side. Moreover, if he is not interested then why should i become burden on him and spoil my image.

give me his phone number, I'll talk to him ;-)

Thank you Farce for taking so much care....just like a family member or a close friend.

I could have given you the number but at this moment i am unable to give.

Thank you.

I have come to know that he is busy looking out for girls from his community. He is visiting different families to get the match for him. Moreover, i am very much sure now, 99% sure that it was infatuation from his side. He never have thought to marry me and he might have never imagined to marry a girl elder to him. He is very much enjoying his professional-personal life and has no place for me neither in his thoughts nor in his life. He never contacts me for anything.

This is the end of the story.

Moral and Lesson for me: "Never trust or rely upon actions until words are expressed."
"There is no meaning of non verbal communication in this world."

"Men are attracted by physical appearance and often enjoy it in the way they like, whatever and whenever they get the opportunity but while making decisions in real life they are very much practical, logical and calculative, they don't care for anything, they always be on safer sides."

Thank you all, all the members of this family(forum).

so are many women .... none of these things you mention are gender exclusive ... foe eg : if you werent practical , logical , calculating and playing safe , why would you not have gone ahead told the guy that you like him ? tried to explore your interests ? why the whole he is a Brahmin business ?

of course you are being practical too

I agree with you BB till some extent; yes some women are also like that;and for some other things, if we had been from the same community then we would have really realized the kind of life we are supposed to live and the expectations from the family and community which we need to meet.
Unfortunately, i can't discuss anything more about it with you nor can convince you.

I can make friends with anyone be it of any gender, cast, community and i do have many such friends; but while marriage is to be considered i need to follow our culture and customs, so is what i am doing.

Sorry, if such things don't sound good to u...but i am helpless.

Thanks once again.

Moreover, in my society women are not expected to take a lead in such matters that's why i didn't go ahead and ask his interest, i feel embarrassing to ask a boy for his interest in me, it's not that i am playing safe in this place; if i had been a boy i would have asked him long back, there had not been any point of discussion nor i would have posted this subject, also men and society makes fun of such women who take the lead in such matters or proposes a man; sometimes in such cases if two people get married then after marriage if there are any problems then the husband and his family taunts the woman that it is she who came ahead it was not we, such women are looked down upon, even he can look down upon me tomorrow, if i talk such things with him.May be you have not lived in such societies that's why u r not able to imagine it and u can't imagine the limitations i have.


I am a Brahmin so it would always be Brahmin Business;
It is same as "we are women so all here is women Business, and Womenforum". Even we share something in common, don't we

fi kinda agree with you shivangii... and yeS..we all do share somethings in common...