Well im going to be 26 years old this December and its about time well the right age too that I get married. My parents don't want it to be too late for me to get married, so started the search out already.
I don't have anyone in mind, so have no issues with them finding me someone, and its quite normal for parents to look for a partner for their kids in our culture.

Some parents dont ask their kids of what kind of partner they want, but luckily for me mine did, but on the other hand i don't have any preferences either. I know my parents wont choose anything bad for me. Obviously i would talk and meet the guy before marriage and take things from their with my parents.

thts nice.....

well i wouldnt mind getting married to someone w/o even meeting him if its my dad n mom's choice.....reason being thy kno me well ......every single happenings in my life, lifestyle, ppl i like to b around with n blah blah......so i do not ve any issues ......

but i still want to be in love n get married in my own way....dunno wht GOD has in his mind ....nything till the time its got good future life i m ok n happy!

I hope you do fall in love with the man they find for you. Marriage between two good people can survive if it is based on mutual respect, but love helps a lot.

While I think that the idea of forced arranged marriages is wrong, I do think that it is important to consider the matches your parents might make for you. I think that in most cases the parents will look at important qualities that their children may overlook. I am in the USA and I have a few friends who found their matches through their parents, though they are not quick to admit it!

I wish you the best of luck!

I admire you Rizwana because you will be getting married with a guy you haven't met before. It's like eating a food that you don't know what you are going to eat.

One of my three friends had the same story with you. She married a man whom she did not know well. Unfortunately, their marriage did not work well. Anyway, maybe that's their destiny but I'm not telling you that you'll be like them. The decision is always yours. Think of it a hundred times it might help.

thnks lissy n sweets....!

my questions is y not know the person ur parents ve searched for u n than agree for getting married to him? its ur choice of life...... common tht much right one has ...to make decision of lifetime

Wow, Rizwana. I'm impressed with your acceptance of your cultural tradition and the trust you have in your parents. That is a rare thing in today's world in most cultures. Since your parents are giving you some input, I hope you won't be too passive though. Once you meet a prospect or two you may find that you have some preferences. Don't be afraid to speak up and share with your parents. I hope you meet Mr. Dreamy and fall madly in love and live happily!

Sometimes, the parents choices of partners for their children turns out to be right. That is because they are more objective in their choice, whereas, we, as the one concerned are more ruled by our feelings rather than our mind. Good luck to you, Rizwana.

__________________
"When you have nothing to do, anything is worth doing, including surfing the internet!"

Thanks for your wishes everyone

Well its more like a cultural thing, where parents find a partner for their kids, and like i mentioned my parents asked me what kind of guy i want, and i will obviously talk to him and know him before getting married to him.

Regarding your friends failed marriage, well the same can happen in a love marriage too, like you said its destiny and on yourself how you make a marriage work.

I would never have my parents find someone for me to marry! You should go out for yourself and find that person, not leave the decision to your parents. It's you who will be in the marriage, not your parents. This is definitely something you should do for yourself.

That is right Rizwana, our parents can be trusted. What country are you from? I didn't know that arranged marriage still exist. It would be fine to marry someone you don't personally know. Just respect and trust each other. Eventually, you'll see everything will turn out right.

I think it would be hard to marry someone whom you don't know yet. What if the other one doesn't like you or just doing it for the sake of his parents.

Well, I am not quite familiar with this tradition but I believe that love is very important when you get enter into marriage. I wonder - when these marriages take place and the couple fails to fall in love, do they stay together, or do they get separated? Could you perhaps tell me a little how this works?

You have alot of faith in your parents. That is wonderful.

I would rather find a man suitable for myself, without the help of my parents. Will your parents introduce you to many men, or just the one that they choose for you? What if the one they choose is really boring or you have nothing in common with him, do you get the final say whether or not to marry him?

Sometimes it is just some sort of political marriage. I really don't like the idea of having my parents look for a man for me. Although its a good thing that they're offering some help but they should still consider their childs feelings. I mean right from the very begining we always follow our parents but in this kind of things I think we should be the one to decide.

Arranged marriages will only become a facade where one or both of the partners will eventually have some sort of hostility towards one another.

Well its kind of different Reira, as you are assuming that the marriage gets fixed and that's it, the boy girl meet only on day of marriage! In most cases the boy girl talk before marriage, get to know each other too. There are however still some families who don't allow their daughters to consult in the marriage and don't see their groom, which takes place in some rural places in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh etc.

The parents finding a groom for their daughter and vice verse is common in Asian families, and because its common it doesn't seem so odd to us.
Well regarding how it works, its simple really and it also depends on each family how they are, in my sisters case, my parents were approached by my relatives and they said they know a family who are looking for a girl for their son, and all. Things start from there families meet, find out about each other, generally when proposals come from relatives its ok, because they tell you what the families like what the boys like and all. My sisters husband and his family came for lunch they met each other, they talked to each other, and they both told their parents that we are ok with it. During that time and the engagement, they used to meet up, talk on the phone and all, and that's it really. If my sister didnt like the guy, she was under no pressure and could have said no, but some girls or boys don't have that choice.
I will open another thread on this for you, and explain things is more detail too and give different examples. Will post the link later on.

Like I said Reira, that's not always the case and it depends on every family how they react to such things and what choices they give their children

Kyles im from USA, but family roots are from Pakistan!

I understand this is a tradition for you; however, if it were for me, I would feel very uneasy about this situation. How would you feel if your parents had found someone who is totally incompatible with you? Do you then get to choose whether or not you want to marry this person? I wish the best for you and I hope the one your parents find is somewhat what you are looking for even though you are not quite sure what that is.

Parents know their children often better than the children know themselves. Parents know their likes and dislikes. When I was in my teens and early 20's I would have resisted the idea of my parents choosing my mate; however, now that I am older I realize the wisdom and life experiences that parents have.

It only goes to show that we cannot foretell our future when it comes to relationship. Have you talked to the guy recently? How was your relationship with him so far?

yes of course Butterflyes I do have a choice whether I like the guy or not and whether I want to marry him or not.


Bethoven the time since i last posted on the forum, i did not find anyone, and if you notice my posts so far are about parents looking for a guy and me explaining to others the concept of arrange marriage and so on. I did not so far mention the fact that i have met someone or not!

But last week I was introduced to someone through my parents, and we have just started talking, and been out for lunch. The guy seems ok so far, no problems or anything, and we have talked about the relationship and if we are marrying because of own will or not. Things seem ok so far (fingers crossed), Im meeting up with him again tomorrow and give my parents a yes or no in a weeks time.

Aww!! Best of luck to you! I hope you really like the guy they find you.