for singles out there, would you consider dating or maybe up to the point of loving someone who have excess baggage - a child. I know it is common nowadays for some people to have a child out of wed lock. up to what point are you willing to accept his / her excess baggage.

I would accept the child. I think when you are truly in love with a person, you would accept everything about the past. You have to consider the child as part of your life as well. Do you agree?

Well, in my current relationship, I am the one with the excess baggage. I have two daughters from my previous relationships but my current husband loves my kids as if they were his own. If he had any kids from his previous relationships, I most certainly would accept his kids as well. I believe that when we love someone, it is impossible not to want to accept their children, as they are a part of this person.

you are right that we have to accept everything from our partner's pasts and it includes the children that comes with him.

That's a hard question for me to answer. I mean, I wanna say (depending on the person and how worth it I think they are, of course) I would accept it, but I'm honestly not sure. How many children/ex wifes or gfs can one person handle? I think there would have to be some kind of limit for me

I think that once we get to a certain age we all have some sort of romantic history. I don't have kids or ex-husbands, but I do have emotional baggage. So who am I to judge someone else on their past. I wouldn't love my boyfriend any less if he had a child or an ex-wife. He has an ex-fiance and I'm glad he does... he has experience... at 36 I wouldn't want a man without experience.

If you really like the person you should accept children. Because you know that he has children when you have started this relation. Secondly why children should suffer from this relationship. As you are going to accept the children the same way children are also going to accept you. You should like or accept the person fully. Including his family. And when it comes to excess baggage, its what a person is like from the inside and not outside.

A child is not an excess baggage.

maybe we need to use another term.

excess baggage means emotional issues.

-F

If you really, really love someone, you would accept him or her for what he or she is, baggage and all.

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I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I have two kids of my own so I know I wouldn't want people to feel this way about me.

What could be the difference if a man has a kid? I have dated a guy who has a one. Well, you would hesitate at first but when you get to know both of them, you would change your mind. It doesn't really matter if he has a child for as long as both of you understand each other.

For me, that's perfectly fine. I would accept the kid. Especially if he/she is a cute and lovely kid (but it's typical for most kids, huh?). The excess baggage will even be an added value of the person.

In the past I've had a harder time dealing with emotional excess baggage than children.... kids are innocent and if someone I love has them then I love them too...
It's the messy break-ups and nasty ex's that cause trouble for the person you're involved with that I have a harder time dealing with. It's a huger stresser on a relationship.

Well if you love someone who obviously love everything about them and what they have got! In my opinion love would be to expect the children with the person you love, and I think its quite natural that the partner with the children would not leave them to be in a relationship with you, so its kind of understood in the beginning!

And plus its not the children's fault! And it would be good for them to be with a family as in a figure of the missing father/mother in a home!

(I was quite confused about the name of this thread, as i was thinking it was something to do with the the size of a person)

just a follow up question, what would you do if this kid won't accept you. and from time to time you will hear some not good words from the kid? and he won't treat you nicely and fairly.

Hey, that's a really good question.
I've never been in this situation... what would you do... I can imagine it would be hurtful.

That's a common occurrence in many families today. A practical way to go about it is to let the child get used to the idea of new person coming into the family first without pressuring them into interacting. If it has been awhile and there are no positive changes, then it is best to see a family therapist where all members can participate in the sessions to treat the issue. It's a very touchy subject, especially for kids and since they feel like the other person is taking what they love away from them, their reaction is actually normal. We need to reassure them that they are still loved as much and no one is trying to take the love and attention away from them.

It really takes a big person to love someone else's kids as if they're your own, and I don't think I'm that big of a person. I would not date a person with kids unless I didn't know at first and found out about it later. Kids often bring about the unnecessary drama from partners from a pervious relationship. I don't need that kind of drama.