When a couple get separated/divorced the people most affected in this decision are the children! Many parents don't think about the children but the children get mentally torn apart, and generally find it hard to cope with things in life, it basically affects their whole life, and the way they approach things!

Although some children may not share or show their feelings about the situation, they keep it inside them which is the worst part, as it also changes their personality, they become more closed and some children also get drifted into bad habits, thinking that they parents make their own decisions and think about themselves, so can they!!

Parents should really think about their children first as they have their whole life ahead of them and sometimes for the children's sake things can really work out for the best!

When a couple separates, the worst hit victim of that separation are their children, they are the one's whose choice has not been asked and they often grow up with a lot of questions in their mind which later on lead to hatred of wrong path like drugs.

I completely agree. I have not experienced it first hand, but I have seen enough couples who had gotten divorced, and the effect it had on their children. I just don't know how people can do it. In many cases, they say that the children "will understand." Well, maybe someday they will, but when it happens, it is a tragedy for the child.

The poor children often believe it was something they did, When parents separate they often have hatred towards each other and it's really hard for them to work together as couple for their children.

I have seen to many children suffer because of bad relationships between parents. They tend to act out because they don't know how to vent their feelings.

Its a sad situation all around.

Taking this into mind, all opinions do seem valid. But then again, couples who cant live with each other anymore no matter how they try should not be kept tied up in the relationship because of fear about the effects that their breakup might bring to the children. Here, I believe sacrifice and much thought and consideration should be directed to educating the children by letting them realize the truth about the situation. And by constantly reminding them that they are in no fault to this. They should be continously assured that they would be continously loved and cared for by their parents even if they lead separate lives already.

Well said Bammer.

I was going to point out the exact same thing.

A couple who are no longer 'together' should not stay in a relationship for the sake of the children. Being in a potentially hostile environment can only do harm to the children.

I guess it depends on the situation. If the marriage had physical violence or even a lot of verbal abuse, then I would say it would be better for the kids to have their parents divorce.

But, some people divorce over things that really could be worked out. I think marriage should be given a chance, and only if there is no possible hope of there being any good out of the marriage should it end in divorce.

One of the major contributors of anti-social elements.

Like you Lissy I haven't been through this but have seen the situation of a child being between his parents, as they are separated. And the effect on this child is really bad, in a way he has lost his childhood, and its just moving from his mothers place to his fathers place. Although many parents think that their children will understand, but in the time they don't understand it puzzles the child a lot, and the child is in a way torn between his parents.

It does obviously depend on the situation, and I think if a couple think of the child first and focus on their child, it would be much easier for them to work out things between them. Its always the case that couples separate due to their differences, not thinking of the their child and like mentioned above it has an adverse affect on the child.

Not being in this situation myself on a child point of view or in a parents point of view, one may say that this is something easy to say about the parents who separate or divorce, but seeing it from anothers point of view, all we can do is give our suggestions as see both sides of things.

Hi,

After divorce or separation the most affected family member is the child. Parents aren't aware of it, but a child's whole sense of the World is based on what they experience of their parents. Its bad for whole family but a child must suffer with this.

I have gone through separation in the past; however, I can't say that it had a huge impact on my two kids. Every step of the way, I and my ex-partner explained everything to them and the reasons why we were separating. They actually took it pretty well, as there were no arguments or hostility. We just couldn't live as a couple and instead of ending up resenting each other, we decided to go our own ways. Today we are great friends and the girls are absolutely delighted to be with me or their daddy. They know we still like each other, but only as friends. I believe that how children feel about the whole separation directly depends on how you present the whole situation to them and how you interact with the ex-partner.

Eighteen years later and my daughter, now 23, still talks about how the divorce affected her. She remembers her dad and me fighting (one of the few we had) and how that scared her. She felt confused and torn apart, being split with visitations. She did experience some emotional difficulties both when she was quite young and into her teen years.

When she was younger, my daughter did agree that "Mommy was a better & happier mommy" alone than when Daddy lived at home, but I'm not sure what she'd say to that today. I still believe it though.

I think many parents think only of themselves and forget to consider the kids. But I also think many stay together just for the children and this can be equally wrong. If there is great discord between the parents, the children can suffer just as much as with a divorce. I think the key is for couples to seek assistance from qualified professionals before deciding to end a marriage.

Divorce has become just as easy or easier than marriage these days. I think far too many see it as an easy option. That is sad. Marriage is a life-long comittment and every effort should be made to honor that comittment.

I don`t believe in staying in a marriage just for the kids is right. They have to see and hear all the fighting and tears. I have always wished my mom would have divorced my dad. He was very abusive to all of us. He died in 1987 and my mom was upset of course but her life is now happier. No more abuse, lies tears, etc.

It would be a traumatic experienced for a child if their parents will be separated or divorced. Divorce is a serious issue and it is very important that a child has to know the reason. If marriage could no longer work out and it would be the best solution, well then I guess, let your children understand. Though separated, it would be helpful for a child to easily recover if their parents, somehow, remain as friends. What do you think?

Children are really affected when their parents would get a divorce. I agree with Bethoven, they should explain why they came up with the divorce decision and if ever granted by the court, parents should remained as friends for the children to easily recover.

Believe it or not, children take divorce very hard, no matter how old they are. Divorce makes children really angry. I know a lot of kids whose parents are divorced, and it's like they have this inner anger that just grows over time.

Yeah they might not show it now but when the time comes that something went wrong those children will blame their parents for what happened. It's hard having a broken family it's like the feeling of incompleteness. Some kids will always take this seriously as they grow older they try not to become like their parents.

She was 9 when I got divorced. And for that age we did not go through the nonsense that some kids go through. Many parents use kids as tools in divorce, often guilt that they were the reason.
I worked hard to keep her out of it. her protection from a creepy biological father was my main concern.

I think making sure that kids know that this is not their fault at all, they had nothing to do with any part of a divorce is paramount. they have to know that this is something that adults came to do.

And its up to the kids to process what they see and the adult to respect the child's interpretation of events.
That's what I did with my daughter. Kept her in the know and allowed her to make up her own mind about the events.
In a divorce respect, acknowledgment of the situation and of the feelings of all individuals makes for a better situation.

After separation of parents, children tend to deviate their attitude especially when they live with the mother.

When the children live with the mother after separation ,most likely, their attitude changes especially when it is related to the mother's restrictions. They tend to feel afraid with their father ,than with their mother.

Like my son, he shows supremacy at home. Since i've been separated with his father,he doesn't obey and follow my restrictions to him..Only to his father that he is afraid of.

Oh my gosh that sounds like a child in rebellion. It's true that some kids are like that who doesn't really want to have a broken family so they do everything just to annoy their parent whom he/she lives with. I think it's their way of showing that they want both of you together.

Most couples DO think about the children, but it is just as damaging if not more so to a child to be surrounded with the negativity of a couple who has chosen to stay together for the kids' sake despite obvious irreconsilable differences.

well it could be contrast effect. If the couple just keeps on fighting and yelling and beating each other during the marriage and the kids would see this often then it would not be a good effect to them its better for the couple to go on separate ways but not legally divorced. would you agree?