The 14 year marriage has given me an abusive and arrogant husband and my children an irresponsible father. The relationship is becoming suffocating by the day. Finding it difficult to carry on. What to do........?

Sounds like you know what to do, but you are in the process of trying to gain the courage to do it. I was watching Oprah yesterday and they had this guy on who was an expert on the behaviors of abusive and dangerous people. There is a questionnaire that you can fill out that will help you assess the dangerousness of your husband. You can find the test at:
www.mosaicmethod.com

Get out of the relationship as soon as possible and do it as safely as possible, even if that means leaving your job, clothing, and nice home behind... those things are not important, YOU are important! By staying you are showing your daughters that it's OK to let men abuse them and you are showing your sons that it's OK to abuse women.

I wish you the best.

Zara has some excellent points. Good luck.

It's a very difficult and painful situation. Hope your children are
not affected by his behaviour. Is he abusive towards the kids?
in that case call the cops and social services.

-F

Getting out of the relationship is what I always wanted to do and now I'm decided. I feel guilty for the kids.....

Thanks Zara and Farce. Atleast for once I'm sure I'm thinking right.

All the best Wimmi

I think maybe you should spend some time away with your kids, away from your husband! This would give him time to think and also give you some time to relax a bit. There is also no harm in doing this, as it may make things work out.

I tried that already. Moved with the kids to my brothers place and stayed for almost an year. Initially he was cool and then became very very angry and demanded that I come back. He even blamed me for pushing him into a situation where he has to look for another woman.

He thinks it is the duty of a wife to quietly bear her husbands insults and anger. A wife has to fulfill her husbands "needs", she can't leave him just because of her own sufferings.

You seem to be in a difficult situation with a difficult husband

Like you said you had moved out with your kids, and stay away from your husband for a year, but it backfired!

How about talking to someone elder in the family, like your mother in law or father in law? Generally talking to elders and involving them in these kind of situations sometimes helps.

Coming back to the forum after a long time.

Thanks for all the replies.

Tried everything to save my marriage and failed at every step. What hurts that after so many years even in-laws are not interested in talking with their son or may be they can't...

I 'm just making myself strong to move away.

Wishing you strength and courage

BusyBee