Me and my hubby have been talking the baby thing since a long time, and he does want to have kids, and it's about due time too, as we are both in the mid 30's now. Being into a late age for planning I began to look in to fertility.

We are going to the doctors together next week, and Im feeling really frustrated towards him and the fact of going, and the problem is I don't know why this is happening. Thinking about it for long, I think i know why this is, because I don't want to have a family, and have never been into wanting kids. I love my freedom and the freedom us two have too. Finding the reason to my anger makes me feel better as I knew why I was feeling this way about an appointment.

The discussions about having kids have always been in detail and we have talked about it a lot and even gave my husband the option that we can separate, so that he can find someone else and plan his family and fulfill his wishes. But he insisted that he is not that bothered long term if things don't work out, but on the other hand he is getting really happy and excited about the doctors appointment next week, which is for his semen analysis.
On the other hand I am also having different views, my biological clock is ticking away and I always feel guilty at the same time too, as I want I want my hubby to be happy and be happy with me too, but me becoming a mum is far from it.
Sometimes I feel ok i don't want kids, and then its ok, then a day later Im thinking ok its fine to have kids...............then reality hits me and I think of the responsibilities, being stuck with the child all the time and loss of freedom, and I don't want to resent a child. I have mentioned and talked all this with him, but I don't think he wants to listen .....lol, and not giving the answer I want to hear.

All these discussion and talks did take place before our marriage and my husband was well aware of my feelings and thoughts before we got married.

Give me some suggestions, have any of you gone through this phase or situation, or am I just being stupid?

Haven't you ever thought of starting your own family? I mean, you must have a plan for your marriage. You are not getting any younger and I think you have take greater responsibilities to help you grow as person. Would you be still happy in the long run if you would still have the life that you have right now?

I say, if you're not ready and you're having doubts then don't do it. You can wait, and you know what? If it is too late and you can't have them, there's always adoption There are sooo many kids out there who need a nice home

There is always a time for everything. You may feel that way as of now but there would come a time that you would think of having your own family. You have to see yourself in the future. Of course everybody enjoys freedom but we have to grow. I was just like you before but now that I have kids, I see life more enjoyable. Don't you like to be taken care by someone aside from your husband?

I would say that your own happiness comes before everyone else's, even your husband's for that matter. Since you've always been straightforward with him, I think he's the one who is subtly trying to impose this on you, which is not fair. No one should bear a child unless they really want to have one and they are actually ready for it.
If you get pregnant while you're having all these doubts, it may play negatively on your mental and physical health. Detach yourself from the idea of having to make your husband happy, as he won't be the principal care taker, moms always have lots more to handle than the husbands, even when they have the best intentions. Look at this situation from an objective point of view. You have already asked yourself all the questions there are to ask about having the baby or not. Ultimately, if you feel the slightest hesitation, don't go through with it.

Deciding on having kids is something which you should decide, and if its something which was discussed before marriage then your husband should be understandable!
But on the other hand, until you don't have something you don't know what it is like, maybe its not as bad as you think it maybe.

First what are your fears, the fact that you will lose your freedom! Well you will still have it, you married your husband, you didn't lose any freedom then, and if its about going out without kids, then there is always baby sitting!

I understand you very, very well Kimmy. I am the same way: I have never wanted children - ever. When I had gotten married, I had agreed on "maybe having 1 someday" - because that's what happens in marriage, and my husband did want children, and I did not want to rob him of that.

The farther into the marriage though, the clearer I saw that I don't want kids, period. I guess some women are like that, perhaps we are not meant to be mothers. However, I did not go back on my word, and when my husband said he is ready to try having a child, I went with it. I am pregnant right now. Do I want children? The answer is still the same: No. But I will do my best for this child.

I don't have any advice for you... Sorry about that. The biggest part of my decision to go through with it was that I am a Christian, and I felt I was being disobedient to God by not wishing to have kids. I don't know if the spiritual side of this matters to you; for me, it does. If it wasn't for that, I would probably have the subject of kids out of the question.