I'm easy. I don't hold grudges. But my husband does. We are normally an extremely loving and affectionate couple--even after 10 years of marriage. Last year ithough, there was a big disagreement/arguement/blow-out. It was the first of its kind. Never before had we butted heads the way we did this time. I'm the type who'd rather get on with life and 'agree to disagree'. He on the other hand needed to 'make his point'. When is enough, enough? Now, the argueing is over, but the wounds haven't healed completely yet. This will take time. I think, the quicker a couple can let go of ill feelings, the quicker the healing process will be. We all make mistakes, but why hang on to them grudgingly? Anyone else have a thought on this?

I am like you. Life is too short to hold on to hard feelings. Luckily my husband is also like us. We can have a disagreement about something and 10 minutes later he forgets what we were argueing about. Sometimes this irritates me because I need my time to sulk about it.

All you can do is try to forget about it. Hopefully your husband will let it go soon. If you have apologized that is all you can do.

In my opinion, it goes so much further than an apology. We both had apologizing to do, and we've both already done so. But, it is unfortunate that we had to take so long to do so. How much wasted time there was. A whole year...gone...just like that. Now, things have quieted down and all is well, except that it's more painful than ever to really look at eachother. It's painful to think of all the wasted time.

Even if this is true -that life is too short, still there are really occassions wherein we have to set our foot down. Once and for all, we also need to impart that we have our own convictions to believe in and we need to convey this to the other spouse. For me, there is no wasted time so long as you have learned some good lessons out of it.

Have you been trying to sort it out for a whole year?? If I understood it right, it took a year to apologize and let it rest... May I ask what has been happening during that year? Would your husband not talk to you or use other ways to show his displeasure? A year is a long time... I certainly understand how you feel about that.

For one year he has been focused on his own feelings only, in a situation where I and others were hurt as well. I'm ok with saying, "hey, I was hurt, but so were you, and I'm sorry...let's get on with life." He's just not this way. If he feels hurt, he carries it with him and doesn't let go. Everyone is different, I guess. But the time it takes for him to get over it...while it may not be wasted time in his opinion...it is in mine.

Some people seem to like staying "hurt" and "offended" when someone wrongs them, even if that person is sorry and wants to make up. I think sometimes they want to punish the offender, too, by demonstrating how deeply hurt they are. It can be subconscious, too.

You are right, life is too short.

The rule in our home is that we never go to sleep on an argument. it's as simpls as that. Therefore we just simply agree to disagree.

I am the stubbourn one in our relationship, but you just have to accept that not everyone will agree with you every time, its the way of the world.

I agree and myself my husband had a very rocky start, I think we had all our arguments in the beginning and now as the years go on we appreciate each other more and I think respect each other more too. We have come to realise that the arguments are a waste of time and they get boring.

Life is short i agree, but sometimes its hard to forgot things, you live with your husband and there is love, but if you have done something wrong in the past, he will always remind you. Then after wards he will say he never thinks of it.
I lied about a few things and had a habit, but never cheated him, he knew i did, down the marriage life he still thought i lied to him and reminded me that im a lier and i lied to him. He would also say life is too short, so short to remind me of the lies i said. I think that if you really think life is too short you should forget things that have happened in your past time in marriage if you cant there is no point in going forward, as it wont make your life easy just depressing and you will only end up blaming each other for past things and make your lives hell, unless you can forget it and never bring it up then its always good and you will be happy. Life is too short for these things, so its best to forget things.

You have to have a certain kind of maturity to let go and
not have a grudge. I have observed a correlation between
this behaviour and some self esteem issues in some friends.

-F

Strangely people find it easier to forgive enimies more than people who are close to them.

And some people like dwell in 'self pity'.

And there are others, who are always in denial.

We have to live life to the fullest. Life is really very short and you won't even know when your time would end, am I right? When you apologize, make sure you won't do it again. Life is best spent when you don't have enemies. Make friends and be nice to other people. You must know what is your purpose in life and do it.