We have all heard this, right? "You can't change another person." When we don't like something our spouse is doing (or not doing,) we can nag, we can ask or demand, we can threaten to do this or that if they don't change; but in the end, it is up to them, and if they decide to ignore our wishes and continue the way they are, there is nothing we can do.

I have seen ongoing wars in families over such issues, when one spouse wants something, but the other won't do it. You kind of look at them and wonder which one will finally give up.

What do you do in such cases? Do you try to change things? Do you nag? Or do you just accept things you dislike?

I definitely hate nagging! I try to convince that person thru 'compelling persuasion'. What I do is try to talk into him the wisdom of what Im trying to make him do and after a little more prodding, hell get to doing it already. Guess its my convincing prowess which works my way out.

It is true. People change only if they want to. It can be an endless arguement at times.

I have learned to pick my battles and when to pick them. Don't get me wrong--there are times when I may blow up at the wrong time..lol but for the most part, I know when to approach a subject and when to think in my own mind--if what I am griping about is worth it.

Do you ever make a mental note, "Is this really worth fighting about?"..?

I love this discussion. It's so true. Don't go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. It's not going to happen. The only way they will change is if they want to and they are ready.

I don't want someone trying to change me, I don't try to change other people.

You won't always agree and really it would be pretty boring to me if we always did.

I agree with Sweet- pick your battles. Same goes with your children.

Yes, I do, very often. And I usually decide that it is not worth mentioning - I hate confrontation, especially about something that has been addressed before, so I know it will result into an unpleasant conversation. So I just sigh and put up with it. When I get too much though I will say something.

As they say, the only thing in life that is constant is change. When you find him thoughtful during the first months of your relationship but eventually changed after some time, just let it be. Try to consider the person's situation like maybe he's out of cash or something. He's also human like you.

Another point is that you loved that person for what he is...then why change him?

Ah, but you may not have known that he throws his socks around the room and will leave them there for weeks if you don't pick them up. You did not love that.

I often think that I am far too passive in our marriage. By that I mean I never cause an argument because most of the time the little things that bother me about my husband are not worth fighting about.

I am sure there are some thing I do that annoy my husband, I am far from perfect and so is he!

I don't expect a lot of changes from my husband. I accepted everything about him. Whenever he does something that annoys or bothers me, I try to tell him how I feel. The good thing about him is that he tries not to do it again. I don't like to nag because I believe it would only worsen the situation. And he doesn't like it too. Anyway, did you ever change when you got married?

I've learned from my two previous relationships that you just gotta take a person for what they are. If THEY want to, then they will. Don't waste your time. Either you deal with it, or you break up with them if it's affecting your relationship that much. You only live once and it's not worth the pain

I know a couple where the husband kept throwing his dirty clothes everywhere but in the hamper. I don't think his wife was unreasonable when she asked, repeatedly, to place them in the hamper. He wouldn't. Now, to me, that speaks of selfishness and lack of care for his wife. After all, how hard it is? Yes, your mommy has been picking up your stuff; your wife wants you to be more neat. Yet that pig never tried.

He won in the end: his wife left him (not just because of that, LOL), and he now lives alone, in a house that looks more like a pigsty.

This made me want to add something..
I think you can't change a person in a major way, but I think if someone loves you, like the story lissy told us.. then you would put the clothes in the hamper. It's not changing you, it's just changing a habit. I think there has to be some changes or compromises made along the way, but it doesn't mean they have to be big ones

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-Brittany Brydahl

I'm struggling with this right now.. and it's hard to argue a valid point because my bf lives in another country at the moment.

I really don't think you can change another person.. if you love someone you have to accept them for who they are. However, you have a right to be happy as well... so if these things are too big to accept, and the other person wont change.. what do you do?

People only change if they see a need to and want to. Nagging someone only causes resentment... I don't think change will come from that.

For me, if the changes are way beyond our limits of acceptance, it would be time to consider two things: ask myself whether or not there is a way that I can adapt to it without having to accept it all, or move out of the relationship before the resentment creeps in. There are times two people start resenting each other even without the nagging. The differences grow over time and in some cases they become intolerable; thus, the couple starts harboring negative feelings toward each other.
From there, unfortunately it is always downhill and hard to improve the situation. That's why it is important to be realistic and know what we are capable of accepting in other person.

Another thing I struggle with is his ex situation. He was completely infatuated with her.. and met me only a month after they broke up.. Im not sure that he was over it. He still had her picture in his place three months after him and I had been together (wasn't on display or anything but was there none the less). I feel like im the rebound girl and what he really wants is her or someone like her... it's been hard for me to get past.

I agree with butterfly. You have to be able to accept someone unconditionally or the relationship isn`t going to work. You have to ask yourself "Can I live with it?" If not then you need to move on.

If my husband is doing something I disagree with , I will just talk to him about it. Once I tell him how I feel, he will usually agree with me. It is give and take in a marriage. Communicating without nagging is the key.

Improvement begins with "I" and if the person does not want to improve or change his ways, there is nothing anyone can do about it. You either accept it or dump it.

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"When you have nothing to do, anything is worth doing, including surfing the internet!"

we can never change a person just because we want him/her to change. IT should be a personal decision to do so. Usually, this change is for the better and sometimes, is frustrating that our partners never learned their lessons.
With my husband, I let him be, if I don't like something I will tell him. I will say I don't like it and hopes he wil change. So far, there are habits he changed already but still some stays the same.

When getting into the marriage constitution you accept a person for who he or she is, you obviously know of their habbits and if your someone with common sense who would not that no one is perfect. Its natural to not like something which someone does, like wise your partner may find something about you too.

The best thing is mention it to your partner and not nag, with time things will change, you cant expect someone to change a habbit in one go!