Hi,

It has been 3 years we are married. I have a caring husband and a lovely daughter. we both are well educated and well settled. Our family looks great from the outset.

I have a problem in our married life, despite trying to communicate to my husband he fails to understand how much it hurts me. My husband thinks that caring for the wife and having sex with her is romance. But for me i expect some thing more than that. I really dont know if this is wrong on my part. But it hurts me and i get depressed.

For me love making is more than caring and having sex. It is about talking loving words to your spouse, hugging her, flirting with her, teasing her with your acts, looking deeply with your eyes with lot of naughtiness, giving her real surprises.And i dont get any of them. Day after day i am getting depressed.It is really painful!

Problem is he doesnt understand my longing for all this. Worst of all this is a love marriage and we love enough other more than any thing in this world.He doesnt even plan gifts or surprises during our wedding day or my birthday.It kills me.

Pls help me out!

worst part of it is i sent him a forward regarding romance to his mail id. he has reverted back with a forward of financial planning and too with a caption of "useful reading".

I am really hurt that he doesnt understand my feelings

To be honest you have to admit some men are like that! They think there is no need for romantic dinners, gifts and surprises and think that sex is romance. But I wouldn't get depressed if I was you, because its not your fault and think of it this way least your husband loves you. Sometimes the ones who do the surprise factors and gifts thing the most tend to be the ones who just want to show their love and don't really love you as much. But this is only some not an all the time case!!!

I can understand why you may be hurt, as you may think she shows no affection of gesture of love, and when you sent a mail with this id, he responded to useful reading...well that would hurt you.

Have you spoken to your husband about this? If so what did he say? And if you haven't spoken to him, talk to him about it.

When you give him gifts to surprises what does he say to you?

Why dont you book a weekend away somewhere, as a surprise. Make it a special weekend, with some gifts, candles and spend the time together....which may help him realize that you would like surprises like these too.

I would recommend one thing, get him gifts which are different, instead boring thing's like clothes.

If i was you i would question your husband, and ask him whats the problem, its not like your asking for something difficult. Its something normal and something which spices up the married life.

Did he ever do anything before marriage?

I like Sim's idea of a weekend away.......will help sort or improve the problem your having

Tell your husband your thoughts on romance and what your idea of it is...give a suprise to him with your idea of romance.
Its maybe that when you start making some romantice gestures then he will get the idea and do the same with you.