Me and my mother
I signed up on this forum today and would like to share an experience please excuse me if men are not suppose to post on this forum.
I wanted to share this experience because we ignore the most beautiful mother and child relationship all our life take it for granted.
I will start from the beginning and make this experience as vivid and descriptive as possible another reason for writing this post is I would have wrote it anyways for myself but then i thought why not share it with people who might appreciate it.
We live in Delhi and I was born and raised in Delhi...I am only child of my parents My dad's side family is from Dehradun with strong Army background my father was the first person in last 5 generation not to Join army but he choose to be a Hotelier and My mother's side family is belonged to small ruling family in Punjab and she is a surgeon.They met in Delhi back in the days fell in love and married.
They would strike anyone as little odd couple to some people My dad (65yr old Now) is extremely good looking fellow for his age with his salt and pepper hair and his charm and vast knowledge about different subject but sometimes I think he is bit vain about his looks but anyways he is a kind hearted person and a what matters the most a good human begin.I will tell about my mother when i start narrating.
I am 26 years old and lived in Cardiff (U.K) for last 5 years for education and then decided to come back.I inherited good genetics form my mother and father and was vain about my looks too and thought crappy stuff like "I am so good looking"Et all and as always time the best teacher,taught me that If there is one thing that matters least is how one looks.I remember walking out of photo studio after getting small passport shot clicked and was cribbing about how my hair looked like in the picture and then I realized a person vertically challenged (dwarfism) collected his picture and smiled big and I realized..how so much of the time we attach happiness to our physical state.
I was a month a ago that my parents booked a week of Yoga classes by quiet a renowned Yoga instructor in a quiet little spa almost 30 kms from Rishikesh.Unfortunately my father has to leave country for business and the plan was to be cancelled.My father suggested that I shall go with my mother and I was kinda avoiding it and making excuses.He glanced me above his reading glasses while looking at some of Hotels account books with his firm look and said your going and that was it I couldn't say no because I knew I had to go.
I will now tell about my mother she is 60 now,I will try my best to explain her She is almost 5 feet 7inches and Very fit and slim for her age and facially she kinda pretty but age is kinda catching up with fine lines and a tiny bit of sagging below chin and neck her most prominent feature is her nose which thin but Looong! Like my dad she too has Salt and pepper hair but she has very long hair Longer than her back!!and keeps them in braid and she has many talents she stills buys all my dad's clothes and used to buy mine and sometimes still do but I have developed my own taste and she is talented interior designer.
With all these talents I was always embarrassed and shy (Before leaving for U.K) till my 12th grade about my mother well because he is disabled!!!She had Polio as a child when she was 9 months old and luckily only her left leg was affected ,the common thing what happens in Polio is once the limb in affected the muscles die and the knee contraption takes places so the knee is like a big deformed bone and the leg has virtually no muscles but it is like Bone with some skin over it and leg cant be straighten because Knee doesn't work and lower part of leg just hangs in the air quiet like L shapeThat can be fixed in some people but in my mother case the doctors recommended Amputation which was absolute no no,A friend of family when she was young made a special crutch for her where top part would go under her armpit like any other crutch but the crutch had a little platform at 1/3 length of crutches where mom can place her foot and walk,so her crutch becomes her left leg.Luckily she is very active and doesn't need much help at all she goes for walks and does everything like a normal woman.I was very attached to my mother as a child but slowly I started feeling embarrassed about her disability and I remember when i was in 6 th grade I was quiet shy about he didn't wanted my news friends to see her or her coming to my school and sometimes even going out with her and I have an idea now I sure she knew it and It must have been very hard time for her.
Finally it was day to leave for Rishikesh and we started from Delhi early in the morning to Avoid rush hour traffic..In 2002 dad gifted mother car with hand controls the acceleration and braking next to steering wheel and you don't need to use your legs to operate the car so she wanted to drive all the way,It was first time I was going like that without Dad for family friends just me ad mom for a week!and I knew it was going to be such a boring trip,I packed my camera few book and other stuff to keep me amused.It took us Almost 8 hours to reach the place but we finally did...The place was Magic!!! It is on banks of Ganga just little Spa quiet Jungle all around and little beautiful cottages and quiet place had a very spiritual touch to it.
We check in the bellboy were kinda amused looking at mom how she handled her crutch and walked almost faster then those guys with elegance! so she was in front with first bellboy and I was following with bags with another one ,so suddenly something happened that gave me a jolt!!!The bellboy his name was "Akash" which i learned later on spoke to me in his humble english "You from which country sir" and before I could answer came "Who is Handicapped old madam your teacher sir" I was absolutely offend and felt like hitting the guy but I manage to smile and tell him in Punjabi that I am Indian and that is my mother and that absolutely shut him up for rest of the walk to little cottage.
It was later afternoon and both of us dead tired mom much more than me we took quick showers and the weather was kinda cool and wanted to dose off the afternoon,It was one of best siesta I have had in years but even when trying to go to sleep I was thinking what that bellboy had said ,I turned back to look at mom she was sleeping sideways (she cant sleep straight cause she cant straighten her leg)and her hair her face and her hands and her crutches standing on wall next to bed..and to me that was Mother!! and I was thinking "How can people not know I am her son" her little one she brought me into this world and gave me everything what I am ad what I have..I dosed off I woke up from the noises,mom was placing the stuff from the bags in the cupboard...I looked at her and then went again Limp on bed enjoying the drowsiness and In my drowsiness I called mom to come my side of bed she did sat down places the crutch on the edge bed and started stroking my hair and smile I curled up to put my head on her lap and she couldn't help giggling and I was feeling great!!!! My mother I was like 3 year old again...
I have more to tell about this travel but out of time right now..Please let me know if you would like me to continue.
first of all welcome to WF...
i really liked reading your post.. To be frank when i first saw loooooooooong post i had kinda feeling not to read.. but when i started reading i really liked and i dint stop.. would love to know miore about that trip and also whether something great happened in those days..whether your embarassed feeling towards your mom changed and lots more..??
mothers are the gifts of gods..i hope now you might have developed a much more strong bond with your mom..
do keep posting..
whats wrong with someone asking you if your mom is your teacher ? Its not necessary that familial bonds be recognized by strangers.. why are you so offended ? Its not like, he asked you is she your wife
I think you have been embarrassed about your mom and finally when you reluctantly agreed to accompany her ... someone asks you who she is ( and you are outraged that you had to explain she is your mom )
i think his embarassed feeling towards his mom is gradually becoming low... dats really good konow..after all he is realizing his mistakes..
Last edited by Busy Bee; 09-08-2010 at 11:37 AM.
I wouldn't mind reading more
Btw.. welcome to our awesome group! I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do!
First of all let me apologize for late reply,I was off to Bhutan for a trekking trip for 3 weeks,it was great experience best thing was Beautiful people and their hospitality.
Thank you Zilah Shahand Abega_Reina everyone for your replies and warm welcome.
I was angry because people think people with disabilities cant have children and I would like to be called her son rather than her student,It might not mean alot of you when someone says that to you and your mother because I hope your mother is physically fit but with me its a little sensitive issue.with regard to you second message you are more than welcome to ignore my messages you don't need button for that.
If this was fiction ,I would have wrote at so many other places on the Internet ,the reason this sounds fiction to you is that I have tried to make it as descriptive as possible for the enjoyment of readers,I have personally find most descriptive accounts to be most interesting.
To Continue my account....
The day we arrived at Glass house (name of the Spa),It was a quiet day there were few other people who arrived that day some a day before to go in for the classes from the Yoga Instructor and we had a nice Buffet dinner and got to know few people and we were informed that the Yoga Instructor's visit will be delayed by who was due to arrive from Austria.It was here that i noticed something about my mother while all the other people specially women had all the complaints in the world and some of them were loud and could not hide their anger about the delay my mother kept smiling and was not at all upset about it,we finished our dinner and got back to our little quarters and mom asked me if it would be okay to if we go to Deharadun tomorrow and spend the day there ,Dehradun is a city located in a beautiful valley and famous for its Colonial past and there is alot of explore and my parents favorite haunt to buy antiques and furniture for our hotel and home and sometimes if mom accepts job to decorate someone house.Since I had already decided to go with the flow on this trip so told her that I would love to go and I myself enjoy the city and plus added benefit would be I would get to eat a good hearty Non Veg meal since the Spa didn't serve Non Veg food,we decided to leave 8 in the morning.
It was almost 9 when were ready to leave to me my mother has always had certain elegance and charm with her dressing inspire of her disability although she never wears make up or nail paint etc but still very elegant in her manner.I remember that day she work her grey hair in her trademark long braid and work a very nice black top and she always has loved to wear Mens watch which had always been a great joy to me cause I can wear them too so her favourite Omega Seamaster is what she wore and tan colored trousers ,when most of people try to hide their disabilities in one way or the other my mother had never been ashamed of her disability and I once remembered my mother commenting on character on TV where he hide his legs with a blanket on wheelchair. In my mothers case you can see that her left leg is deformed and almost pencil thin and can not be straighten but she is always open about the fact and her footwear is always more interesting maybe she wants to make up of her lack in one aspect with other and her shoes have always got to be immaculate and how my father sometimes joke that after the business his second biggest expense is mom's shoes (Partly because her left foot is 2 size smaller than right so she has to buy two pairs or get custom made which she apparently hates) anyways that day she wore purple suede flat loafers.
I have never experienced mom's driving on hills and it was almost her first time ,the day before when we arrived I didn't notice because I was almost dead tired and half asleep but that morning it was little scary but she managed well and we reached Dehradun by almost 11 am and she knew all the places we had to visit first off we had to pick someone called "Nadim" a freelance guide who knew which Antique dealer to pay a visit and what all everyone has in stock at the moment,so mom parked the car in front of a small street and took out her reading glasses with strings and put it around her neck and started browsing her cellphone I couldn't help teasing her that when she wear those reading glasses (which she does most of times when not needed are on top of her head) and her beak nose and she is wearing black top,I said to me you look like you are going ride the Broom any second ,I can assure you that punch she gave me on my shoulder the bruise took long time to vanish lol..I somehow was feeling closest to my mother after my childhood and a feeling which I cannot put in words maybe you might have experienced it you know that feeling safe and complete and meaningful I cant put it in words but this is closest i can get.
In about 10 minutes Mr Nadim arrived with big smile and sat in the car and after exchanged pleasantries he was kinda taken back and asked my mom "Madam app gaddi bhi chala lati hai" (Madam can you drive) and mom was like "Main gaddi kyu nahi chala sakti" (why cant I drive) ,he got the message and got quiet but mom explained him how the Clutch and gears are in the Hand lever and she doesn't have to use her leg and It amazed me how beautiful this city was the sky was crisp and clear and sunshine was almost flawless and bright and it was perfect day and weather and I was feeling like a kid who doesn't have anything on his mind.We went to check out few shops where there was nothing interesting except some old Chinese cupboards and some breathtaking Lithographs but were too expensive,so then Nadim suggest to go to another Antiques dealers house and so we did and It was in a very nice location but small and cramped and one of the most annoying things travelling with mothers are when they ask you after every 10 minutes do you need something to drink or eat lol and then say I know "this is boring" but for me I was enjoying all the antiquities.
Then when he was showing some glassware etc to my mother I got enough of his cramped and soiled and decided to step out in his garden he had lovely plants and then I am not sure what happened if mom asked him for something special or he suggested something he came out in Garden to call someone but we couldn't see each other because of a Pillar and plants and when he was talking to person on the other side he mentioned " Woh Delhi se Langri Madam ayi hoyi hai" (Crippled Madam from Delhi is here) ...Suddenly I again had this fit of anger where i could have punched him but remained calm and got out from behind plants and gave him a smile and stare at same time I guess i was too confused and went inside and mom whenever she sits she places her crutch on the sofa or next chair if its unoccupied or on the wall if it is occupied and I walked in and took her crutch from the unoccupied sofa seat and placed it next to wall and sat beside her ,I had to do that I dont know why I had to and I sat really close to her to sher Leg was touching mine and mom was kinda taken back because I could have sit down at other places and why would I it like this and I had to felt her leg to my right leg it was like cold wooden stick was touching you but to me it was "Mother" this is motherly to me all my childhood I have known that feeling of that cold thin and hard leg and I dont know how mothers come to know about times like these she raised her left hand and started stroking my hair all I could do was smile holding my tears back but I was embarrassed too because Mr Nadim was in room and I couldn't wait to leave that house,which we did after 15 or so minutes and it was almost 3:30 by then and we hadn't had lunch we dropped Nadim back to his house and whatever stuff we bought he was suppose to send that to Delhi the next day..and I was all quiet when mom parked car at Pizza Hut because she knew I would never say no to Pizza Hut but I couldn't get those words out of my head and what was shocking to me was when mom walks she walks straighter than 90% of women it just she has a wooden crutch for her leg...I am used to all the stares she get but words like those really are something..we took our place at the table and I put my head down while mom went into use restroom and wanted to cry...Its amazing how when we shut one of our senses the other senses make p for it I did out my head down and when I was almost about to cry I heard the familiar sound of a footstep and thud! and footstep and thud! and that was mom I raised my head but was not cheerful at all and she sat down and first thing she said was "whats the matter" and I tried my best to persuade her that everything was fine but she wasn't willing to give up.
It took her no more than 5 minutes to know what was wrong and what he had called her and she looked at me and said would you react the same way if somone said "Oh the Good looking chap is here from Delhi" I said no she said exactly " I am Langri (Crippled) and I have no hiccups about it" she continued "If I was not strong to take words like that I would have never been able to brought you up the way I have and never get married" I had to hear far more harsh words than that when I married you farther and not only me but your father as well"..I began to cry at that moment and what came as shock to me was when she said don't expect me to wipe your tears on this matter.You wont be upset if someone calls you " a good son" but you will get upset if someone called me "Langri" , OF COURSE I WILL! I said ...and she said thats where you are wrong "The reality should never upset you cause thats reality".
I was quiet for rest of the day after those words and when think of that still go in deep thought.
I will write more later you are still interested.
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