So often I have seen seemigly happy couples split up or divorce because of one spouse having an affair.

A recent study has suggested that some of us are genetically programmed to have affairs and says the lack of one particular hormone, in both men and women, means that they are more likely to delve into extra marital affairs.

Personally I think this is just giving people another excuse. So what is it that makes people go out and have affairs?

That is an interesting theory. I believe that woman have affairs for the positive attention they are receiving from the guy they have the affair with. Guys have affairs for the sex.

That's just my theory.

Well, it is a common situation that the person who has an affair is looking for something they are not getting from their spouse. It can be attention, love, or even good looks - if the spouse "lets themselves go" and would no longer care to look their best.

As to the genes theory, I agree with you that it is just another excuse.

No offense meant to the gentlemen out there, but oftentimes it is this gender which usually gets entangled into extra affairs. I should say that this is because tho masculine and robust as they physically are, they are the weaker among the sexes. And women has the ability to really invent tricks and moves to get their way out of people especially men. And I believe its not always a drive for these gentlemen, oftentimes they are the hapless prey here.

I definitely believe it is 2 factors lack of attention at home and it been put on a plate for you. If you are not getting the attention you will lap up attention and compliments for another person and if they make you feel nice again then they can become attractive. Also if someone puts it on a plate for you no strings attached and excitement then it can all become a bit tempting.

Usually it is like this

for women - lack of attention from husband, being lonely and bored.

for men - disputes/fights at home, sense of adventure/danger, genetics...

-F

Yes, it is the adrenaline factor.

-F

for men/women ~ spending lot of time at work and hence being close.

I think its just because we are not able to share & control our own feelings.
We already have many examples for both being loyal and otherwise also, Nun's who work for the welfare of the community dont have any sex (as i know officially) but they also have every normal function of hormones, yet they control their feelings. Same otherwise people who are married also go to some other guy/girl because they find pleasure in it and are not able to control or dont want to control their feelings thats all.

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Genetically speaking, humans were not designed to stay attached to the same partner. This was brought in as a society value and morality.

Men wish to procreate and spread their genes as wide as possible. Hence they have a natural desire to have sex with more than one woman.

Women desire to have the best genes for her offspring. So when she comes into contact with a strong male, she feels sexually attracted and has an affair. This desire is especially strong during the time, six to fifteen days after a period. Now strong does not necessarily mean a man who can lift 200 pounds. A woman looks for a guy with power and who will protect.

That is genetically speaking.

In social life, people look for conquests, challenges, relief, an occasion to cheat, etc. Then there are also other feelings attached - a sense of common interest, compassion, etc. And finally, there is always the sex appeal - both for a guy and gal.

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very nice review

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well said

somewht agree to this point as well....


hmmm i soo agree to it.....

i mean not only married ppl.....even guys/girls who r seeing each other n dating to have issues ......

i mean at times i too wonder tht how can a person spend all of his/her life all togather with that one person.....?

sometimes ppl laugh @ my question n dont answer it or find it absurd....but it sure is a big ques.

Nice post! yes its been a que for me why not stay and stick to one. sigh... Whatever that reasons are you hurt somebody's feelings. Guess both of you really are not meant to be.

A friend of ours had gotten divorced because her husband had had an affair (and getting divorced was his idea, not hers). The affair had started when she had been spending a lot of time taking care of her dying mother. The guy couldn't deal with less attention from his wife.

Honesty, I think people cheat when they aren't happy. The main reasons people become unhappy in my opinion are:
*not feeling loved
*poor communication
*not spending enough time together
*when someone treats you like you're "always going to be there"

I know from experience, because this is how my ex treated me and it was the worst feeling ever and pushed him and I apart

That's a simplified and hastily generated theory, but somewhat I agree with you LOL.

But the theory about lack of a particular hormone sounds interesting. There are yoga postures which are aimed to treat certain glands to balance their functions. Maybe if the people do yoga, they will indirectly keep themselves from having an affair.

Just my theory. ;p

I would like to know why people do this as well.. I'm sure there is no easy answer.. maybe there is for some. I get that tempation is a difficult thing, but why not leave a relationship first if you are having those thoughts.. I mean, if people cheat because they aren't getting something out of their relationship, they are bored, insecure, whatever it is, leave the realtionship and enjoy guilt free sex, or emotional relationships without hurting someone.

I think men do it for more reasons than sex.. mostly sex.. but I also think some men like the attention and the risk.

It's devastating. I honestly don't know how anyone can stay after something like that happens. Speaking from experience, I tried to stay with an ex after finding out he cheated and I couldn't get past it. I felt bad about myself, so much anger towards him and the trust was never repaired. It was the most awful feeling.

I believe the lack of attention from the other party, lack of communication and especially sex drive people to have affairs. I have never had one but I was tempted in the past, with my first long-term partner. He would not want to do anything with me and prefer to stay at home while I went out and after a while, it got pretty tiresome. He would also refuse to understand my point when I'd complain about the fact that I wasn't happy with this situation. To make the long story short, we ended up splitting as I couldn't stand having someone that was just a shadow in my life...

this one is partly true. because when you have problems at home, and suddenly you became close to a person of opposite sex, and more time are spent with you together, the affair would start.

what in hades are you talking about???????

I think that it's because temptation comes at just the right moment, and people can't resist. A couple has already come into a bump in their relationship, and suddenly they haven't been talking like they should have. It's always lots of different circumstances that happen at once.