Ours is a love marriage, my in-laws troubled be before marriage, but still, i got married according their custom and wish leaving my parents thinking that i can get adjusted, but after marriage it's the same, how much ever work i do to them lie a servantmaid in the house like cooking, washing, cleaning, etc..,though i was pregnant till my delivery & after my delivery too, without taking care of my kid properly, do you people like this will be there? Yes! in my life i'm seeing like this kind of people for the first time, when my hubby is there this won't be the matter, if he is there they pretend as if they take care of me very well and if we tell anything to my hubby regarding my problem he doesn't believe and don't even suport me, though ours is a true 10yrs love without any problem. We got married 3yrs back, till now we quarel each other every day, sometimes i think why i got married? if we stay like those days before marriage how nice it will be without any problem?

In case of my son also, they pretend as if they take care of him well when my hubby is there, he feels very happy by seeing them, but as soon as he leaves the house, they don't even bother my son, even if he cries also.

Anybody in the same track? if so, what you are doing to solve this problem?

i wouldn't say that i know how it feels, but you may want to talk to your husband regarding this issue. he knows his family best and would be able to offer you suggestions on how you can cope and how you can "win over" his family's affection.

Hi Kantha..

I perfectly understand your position as I have seen many of my friends in the same state.Its best to concentrate on yourself and your child and ignore the other matters.At the end of the day , along with the responsibilities and stress that parenthood brings , if you add on these troubles , it will ultimately effect your health.I know its easy to say but had I been in your position , I would have completely tried to ignore all these factors and concentrate on being a good mother.Alternatively it works to pursue some hobby so that you have some time for yourself and some activity that makes you feel good.

Hi!Rimjhim, I really would like to thank you in a special way for giving me such a nice suggestion, i felt that someone in my family talking to me.

I sense a lack of open communication between you and your husband.
It is normal for the husband to believe that his folks are good. You should
try to convince him and tell him about specific instances and ask him
what you should do. Talk to him. that's the first step. If he totally
refuses to believe you then I'll come back with other suggestions.

take care
-F

He understands me, many a times he has seen me feeling bad, we both talked together wat we have to do and all, but again it is routine for him, because his family members change him a lot, and he listens to them neglecting us. He loves me but secondary to his family members.

I never had to deal with this issue; however, I feel for you. I don't think that it is fair to you that our in-laws treat you this way. Especially their grand-son. I think that it would be a good idea for you to talk to your husband about this. I don't suppose he will believe you in the first place as they are his parents. Nevertheless, I suggest you find a way to show him how they really are while he is absent and once he finds out, he might be able to intervene on your behalf and hopefully, things could get a little better.

Thank you! Butter, for your nice & good ideas regarding my post, but i have tried all the things what i should do in this matter, since 3yrs i've been doing this, but no change, instead i'm changing my life and habits because of him. From my childhood i was calm, quite and loving, but now i'm completely changing, don't know why, may be i'm loosing patience by trying all these methods, anyway, thanx a lot.

It is so sad hearing your story about your in-laws. I can't say don't mind them because I know it is not that simple. Are you living the same house? If yes, tell your husband that you think it would be better if you will have your own place or rent a house. In that case you and your husband can live at your own, you can also talk of everything without any pressure from in-laws. With that, I think you will understand each other on every little things also.

One problem I had with my in laws was they hated me. Plain and simple. Of course they also had multiple personalities disorders, but that's the chance you take.

They never gave a reason why they disliked me, but they just did. So I accepted that, not everyone has to like everyone else, and i just went on my merry way. Taking care of my family and doing what I could for others.

It is a shame that in laws feel the need to hate, dislike, loathe or ignore a child's spouse. But its an age old problem.

Even the siblings of a spouse can be a problem in-law. Why, is a mystery of the ages.

Both your in laws had MPD ?

To me, that's the root of the problem. You should be his number 1 priority now. Since the day you got married, YOU ARE HIS FAMILY, not his mom and dad. Sure, they are still family as well, but they should come secondary.

Is there any way you can move out and live on your own?

it is so sad to hear your situation. I know a few people who is not treated well by their in laws also. but usualyl this arises when you are living with your in laws. I wonder, can you move out of your in law's place, and have a place of your own. Something that you your own can maintain. Somewhere a bit far from your in-laws. In that way you don't have to deal with them everyday.

i am also going through the same thing, i always come secondary to my husband's family, and he always argues that i should not compare with them. he will behave in one way with them and if i ask him to do something similar he will disagree. he only listens to what they say. every time i wish to visit my parents it becomes a huge issue. and living away from in-laws is not the solution because husband will still listen to his parents only. i do not live with in-laws yet it seems like they are actually there only.
this time (after two years of trying to adjust and make things work between us) i have left my husband and i am staying with my parents. this time also i wanted to make things work but first my husband asked me to leave his house when we had a fight, and then when trying to make things work between us, he now says my parents should talk to his parents only then i can come back to him.
i still love him despite all this pain and hurt. i have no clue what to do. my husband is not willing to talk to a counsellor at all. and this has happened for the third time in two years, so now even my parents are scared of sending me back because they also know what i have been living through all this time.

Sorry to hear about your situation. It is sad. Some guys are like that, very weak and manipulated by their families.

Do you have kids? That sort of complicates things. But if you don't have
kids yet, then I would say give him an ultimatum and if he disagrees
then separate from him and move on with your life.

-F

people hang on in abusive relationships.. thinking that the person will change and become nice ... the "person they love "

they usually dont

and years later you will wonder why , how you could have been so stupid to let some not give you the love dignity and respect that you deserve, I agree with Face ... explain things to him , give him a chance and if things are still the same or worse ... walk out .. move on ...