How to cope with visiting in-laws?
My husband and I are planning a trip to visit his father on the coast. I am not at all fond of my father-in-law and his lifestyle and I am not sure how to deal with a week long visit.
A little background as to why I don't like this man nor enjoy his company:
- He cheated on his first wife (my hubby's mom) and then left her alone to raise three kids. My husband was the oldest and was left to be the man of the house at the age of 10. Despite this abandonment and betrayal, my husband still reveres his father. I don't dispute it, but it doesn't seem healthy.
- He is living with a woman half his age (she is actually younger than I am) and they have 3 children together all under age 4. I don't approve of this and am VERY uncomfortable with this situation and I don't how to interact with them. Since she is my age, we share interests, but she is technically my mother-in-law. Talking about sex is out, complaining about things is out, shopping/girl time is out (three small children), etc.
-My bigger issue is that these children have no discipline and are allowed to run around screaming in public. Neither father-in-law nor his girlfriend find it necessary to shush, scold, correct or deny their kids anything. It is AWFUL to be around them. They are the definition of "spoiled, rotten, brats" and I can't stand to be in the same room as them. Especially when they ALL still breast feed. The older two are allowed to unbutton her shirt and help themselves... IN PUBLIC!!!
- He has ZERO respect for me. In our visits over the years I have had my needs shut down and outright ignored. I have anxiety issues that prevent me from being able to tolerate certain activities, etc. His advice... "get over it." I find his attitude extremely insensitive and it is humiliating to confess a weakness and vulnerability only to have to disregarded.
- He always has his hand out. He has a million "get rich quick" schemes and is ALWAYS looking to get my husband to invest in his adventures. The couple of times that my husband has contributed, he has lost money. We are just starting out and want to buy a house and start a family, I find it very frustrating that my father-in-law (who is well established) keeps trying to get my husband to write him a check.
My husband is on my side when I need him to be, but he tries not to choose sides. He is aware of the extreme anxiety I face at the idea of getting on a plane and spending a week with his dad and his dad's new family. I know that I need to just suck it up, but is there something I can do to make it more bearable?
Sticky situation!!! You can probably spend your time out of the house during the day time, to avoid the family.
If your husband knows how you feel have you considered staying behind and just him going to make the visit to his father?
|cope, inlaws, visiting|
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