I really need to get this off my chest and I was hoping some of you may have some ideas for how I can better handle this. I am so scared, and just don't know how to deal with this the 'right' way.. if there is such a thing:

My grandma was diagnosed with Lymphoma earlier this month. She's just been going through a lot lately. It was crazy, because one day she was fine; going for 2-3 mile walks, doing everything on her own, and taking care of everyone around her.. just so full of life. About 2 weeks before it was actually discovered is when she started feeling sick. She was just laying down a lot, really tired. I could just hear it in her voice that something was wrong. However, I didn't think anything of it because she's always been so strong-the glue that holds us all together!

It's getting harder and harder each day, because we haven't hardly have ANY time at all to understand this and process that this is really happening, and she's becoming another person. She's so upset, angry and just has such a depressing outlook on life. She's constantly talking about death and what we will do when she's gone.

I know she's scared, but I just don't know what to say. It's hard for me, because I'm working on getting over my anxiety/depression/OCD and when I'm around her it stresses me out sooo badly! I really want to get myself figured out right now, because I ended up quitting my job because it got so bad. I don't want to be selfish, but I need to think about my own future.

*Sigh* This is just tough. I feel so numb right now. I mean, I'm not even able to cry about it anymore. Seeing her hardly being able to get in and out of the car, having trouble breathing when going up the two steps that lead into our home. Man! I never thought in my life that this would happen. Guess I always thought she'd live forever.

How can I make her feel better? I try to goof around and make her smile, but as the days go on, it's harder and harder to even get a smile out of her. She's just so scared and I think she's honestly giving up. It's almost like she doesn't want to live anymore, because she feels so lonely and trapped. She's never been the kind to stay locked up in the house all day before, and all she talks about are stressful things.. can't be helpful for her either.

Please help!!

Im sorry to hear about this Abeja, and Im sure it must be really difficult for you and your family and your grandma to go through this.
Although its easier to say it than do it, but just be strong, if you'll be strong around her, she will feel better. Make the atmosphere more fun, spend some quality time with her. Do things which she loves doing, making her or getting her favorite food, go visit some nice places, go sit in the park with her. Keeping her busy and happy is the best way, it will also be good for you too.

Its true you need to think about your future too, so go out there and get yourself a job, this way it will also keep you busy. If you sit at home all day and wont keep yourself busy you will think about the situation more and make yourself feel more depressed.

Hope everything goes well for your grandma!

My heart goes out to you! Having lost my father to cancer many years ago, I know something of what you're going through.
As difficult as it is to accept, you may not be able to help your grandma or make her feel better. It may be the best you can do is just to be there for her, much as it sounds like she's always been for you. Sometimes just being around to help her with what she needs or wants or to remind her that she is loved is the best gift you can give.
Just keep loving her!

Many thanks to both of you! It really means so much to me. I have been doing everything in my power to keep her happy and having fun. She's responding amazingly well to chemo and is up and about again. We got her a wheelchair also so we have been able to bring her with us more