I guess I never started seeing how badly my anxiety/depression has ahold of me.. or maybe it's just me as a person. I feel like the worst person, honestly. I'm not sure how ONE person could mess up so many times.. so badly. I was off meds most my life, then on them for a few months and now I'm off them again. I mean, sure.. to people who don't have to deal with me.. I'm a "pretty cool person", but WOW! Dunno how anyone puts up with me. I have been very heartless, unforgiving, completely lost.. and I feel like such a hypocrit for trying to help others when I don't even know how to help myself.. I'm so lost and confused. I don't know what I want.. never have. I have just done some terrible things and I dunno how to make things right. Dunno how to be happy again. Not saying I'm not happy, but I can't forgive myself for the things I've done.. I don't really wanna go into detail at the moment, I'm sure many of you know. Any advice on how to move on.. I wanna change who I am.. I can't keep living this way. I've been so selfish for so long and somehow didn't see it..

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-Brittany Brydahl

Have you tried talking to God? He is the only one who can help with our guilt, and many other issues as well. My life was changed in many ways when I got to know God - admitted that I was a mess, did not know what I was doing, and trying to live my life my own way didn't work.

I'm not too sure what my religious beliefs are, but I do sometimes speak out loud to calm myself down or to myself.. I feel that I'm talking to something.. not sure what yet. I also speak to my grandfather who passed away when I was very young. Something gives me strength knowing that he can hear me. I really do believe that. I'll even talk to my bfs mother (her ashes are in our room). I find it very comforting

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-Brittany Brydahl

Before you can move on to making other things better, you need to forgive yourself. Because that is the first thing that will you give you the strength to make a step ahead. We always start with ourselves in everything we want to achieve. Take a moment to simply affirm to yourself that regardless of the things that you have done, you are still a loving human being and that you forgive yourself. Promise yourself to always remember that. Once you can accept yourself as who you are, preparing yourself to improve other issues get much easier.

That's a great point. I put too much importance on others and what they think of me. I am so focused on trying to be accepted by others, which will never happen.. b/c not everyone will like me.. and I know that. I now see that I am the key to my happiness and it's not gunna be easy but it will get better. Not talking to my ex has been a very smart move! Why talk to him and cause him more pain? I need to let him live his life, grief and we can be friends later on if he's willing. I need to stop thinking about myself and think that we both need to do what's healthy for us

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-Brittany Brydahl

If you are unsure, do not let that stop you. God knows you and loves you anyway. I like what that priest said in the Count of Monte Cristo movie: when Edmond told him he was not sure he believed in God, he said, "That's okay; God believes in you." So He will listen, and He knows better than anyone else what you are going through, why, and how to help.

Thanks Lissy. Ya, I tend to believe that if there is a God, he's going to be a very forgiving person.

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-Brittany Brydahl